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  1. As I stared out of the window this morning, I said to the wife.."Oh my God, look at it, it's so grey and miserable." "Stop being a prick," she replied. "Just go and let my mother in!"
  2. I was driving to work today and saw a woman driving down the road with her hazard lights on... At least she's honest!!
  3. I walked into the bedroom today and found my wife dead on the bed. Looking at her lifeless body, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle, she opened her eyes and said BOO. Honestly....some people are just sick in the head.
  4. What's the difference between a kiss and anal sex? A kiss will make your day, where as anal will make your hole weak.
  5. I got kidnapped by a bunch of mime artists. They done unspeakable things to me
  6. 🎈Happy Birthday Spida!!! 🎈

    1. Spida


      😊 Thanks brandi ❀️

    2. Brandi R

      Brandi R

      You’re welcome!

  7. Gosh you lot with your guns, you put me with my air rifle to shame but saying that I'm in the uk. Gun's here only very few have them mainly just police or gang members or those who hunt. I got 2 dogs plus a baseball bat if anyone hurts my wife or enters my home without permission.
  8. I bought the wife a pug last week for her birthday and apart from the squashed up face, the googly eyes and rolls of fat, the dog likes her.
  9. A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.
  10. I used to hate weddings...... all the old aunties would poke me and say "YOUR NEXT"........... they soon stopped that fucking shit when i started doing the same to them at funerals.........................
  11. Q what's the fastest fish on earth? A a motor pike.
  12. Happy new year old and new friends Hope 2020 is full of new adventures, health, wealth and happiness. All the best for 2020
  13. @EWU Emma and @EWU BobBob thanks for having me here. Love the work you guy's do.
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